Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Not all days at work suck donkeys ass


Wow I had one of the best days at work that I've had in a long time. I had my yearly review. Totally forgot about it. As of December 27th I had been at my job for 7 wonderful years. Every year you get a review to determine if you get a raise or not. In past years reviews have been late. One time my review was 2 years late. Seriously.So when my manager told me this years file was done i was more than surprised. This was the fastest it had ever been completed. THe best part is it was the nicest one I've had yet. Long story short i got an awesome raise and my manager said it was a pleasure to write up my report. I had to laugh though because my manager said i had a lot od patience with customers and never get mad. Thats rich. Just Monday i took 115 calls and was ready to hop a plane to punch some of the customers in the mouth. If this wasnt good news in itself--i actually spoke to two of the coolest customers ever--in a row. And lo and behold a Christmas miricle occurred--the both asked for a supervisor to compliment me! I was floored. So now i have 2 great customers compliments in my work folder. Life was pretty sweet just for one day. So 2008 ended nicely at my job. Hooray!

Looking Back on drunken New Years past


Howdy folks and welcome to New Years Eve. Tonight we're headed to my sisters to ring in 2009, I got to thinking about past New Years events in my life. THere were two in particular that came to mind-1992 and 1993 the two years my friends and i got a hotel room and got drunk and stupid.

In 1992 a bunch of us decided to get a hotel room. We really didnt plan ahead the level of drunken stupidity that would occur during that evening. First of all for some reason almost all of us were not fully clothed. None of us got naked or anything like that but some of us were in our underwear. I myself wore a leather jacket and underwear. To this day i have no idea why. One of my friends walked into the room in underwear and shoes to imitate Mr Bentley from the Jeffersons. A couple of other friend-my future brother in law included dragged a Christmas tree into the room they had found by the side of the road. Oh and also we all pretty much trashed the room. Another two friends decided to wrestle and busted a bed. One of the guys broke his thumb trying to fix the bed. Another friend kicked in a bathroom door because someone was drinking her wine in the bathroom with the door locked. Beer was poured everywhere. It was a disaster. No one was hurt although a couple of friends had sex in the bed next to mine while i was trying to sleep.

This brings us to 1993. It was a little more mellow. We got a hotel room but then walked down to the Falls for the annual New Years concert. That year it was Colin James which was massively cool and Alanis Morrisette who at the time was a dance artist and pretty much Canada's answer to Debbie Gibson. Afterwards not a lot happenned except for one friend peeing on the ice that was keeping the beer cold in the tub. Man we were dumb back then. Looking back on it now i can't believe how much alcohol we were able to consume. It was nice doing that with all my friends. These days i wouldnt be able to handle that. One beer and I'm wasted.Ah to be young again

Happy Friggin New Year!!


So its that time of year when the old year closes and a new one begins. The time has come once again to make the old new years resolutions. In 2009 i will try

1) To lose weight --I'm getting rather portly and would like to drop at least 20 pounds. Its important i try not to look like Boss Hogg anymore

2) To not to worry so much about stuff. I need to relax or I'm going to cause myself to get a huge bloody ulcer. Good times!!

3) To get bitten by a radioactive incect of some type and/or get splashed with nuclear waste and become the defender of St Catharines

4) To win the lottery and buy a house and a space shuttle or something oh and hire Bruce Springsteen to play Diana's next birthday party!

5) To meet another Happy days cast member. I sure hope Potsie is at this years convention!

6) To convince Kath that a 3 way with Jenniffer Love Hewitt is in both our interests


These goals seem kind of realistic and i feel totally achievable. Yay 2009!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Jay: Not 100 percent grinch after all!


Ok so its Christmas Eve and I'm finally in a tiny bit of Christmas spirit. Despite being sicker than a dog I went back to work yesterday. What was really nice was recieving cards from co workers and everyone wishing each other happy hollidays amongst the usual plethora of calls from ignorant hillbillies. My friend Stace gave me a really cool old Spiderman comic and a big bird ornament for Diana. My icy/anti Christmas heart actually melted a bit. I'm not working for the next three days and I'm just looking forward to getting the house ready for "Santa" tonight and watching some Christmas movies with Kath. Christmas Vacation will be a given and we also have some movie recorded starring Michael Shanks of Stargate fame. I am looking forward to seeing Diana's reaction to gifts tomorrow and it will be nice to see my family. I've only seen my brother in law once this year. I'm hoping theres no drama or at least no chair throwing by my step father. Ah the holidays! So to anyone actually reading this blog,hope you have the most awesome Christmas!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Winter Wonderland My Ass


Well as we all know we finally got hit with snow really hard over the last few days. It started blowing around and coming down hard on Friday. Now a normal human being would have just stayed home but not the Stewart family! We had to start Christmas shopping on December 19th! Good news is we didnt die, However i had to shovel three times that day! I'm out of shape so i was huffing and puffing and sweating like Chris Farley on a summers day! This I'm sure contributed to the fact that I'm sicker than a dog and actually had to call in sick to work today. Those of you that have worked with me know this is a rare occurrence. I never call in sick as I enjoy getting a regular pay check. We went to Rochester for the weekend. We came home late last night after taking three and a half hours to get home From Rochester to Niagara Falls there was a bad storm. We drove maybe 20 miles an hour as couldnt see anything. It was in the car that i started to shiver and start to feel achy. So we finally get home and because we hadn't been there all weekend,our parking space was snowed in. I leapt out of the van and started shovelling as fast as i could. Just as i went to put the shovel away my body decided that it was time for me to blow chunks. If there ever was a sign that i wasnt going into work that was it. So now I'm missing out on 10 hours of pay. So to sum up if I may channel Ricky from the Trailer Park Boys for one moment, fuck you winter,fuck you snow , fuck you cold and fuck you pizza that came up after i finnished shovelling.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Happiness is....


..... watching hours of christmas specials with my daughter while laying on the couch eating popcorn and not talking to red necks on the phone. I love my day off!!

shitty


Pet peeve of the day. It seems that everyone i work with is a slob on the weekends. Ok lets rephrase that. Don't know if the lady folk are slobs. The guys who don't flush the toilets and smear crap everwhere are. I'm scared for my life everytime i enter the mens room on a saturday. What the hell. Seriously i know its a lot of effort to flush but come on. I enjoy almost heaving on every break, Its wonderful. Merry Christmas everybody!!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Is'nt It Ironic-Don't Ya Think?


So I took a call from a lady who asked for a supervisor. I tried to figure out what type of supervisor she needed and her reply to me was to shut my mouth. I had just given her a 35 dollar credit and was doing my best to help her. She was having some technical issues so i suggested to her she speak with a technical supervisor. After her lovely shut my mouth comment she said she was going to go down to a main office and report me. I gave her the credit she wanted and tried to get her to the right department. Yep I guess I'm an asshole. The irony here was her last name was polite. She was anything but polite. Her last name should have been rude.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

jolly old saint douche


So I was watching the two great animated classics Santa Clause is coming to town and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Diana loves them and has been watching them constantly. Anyhow I've been watching them every year since i was a kid and realized for the first time that Santa is kind of portyayed as a douche. FIrst of all in santa Clause is coming to town all of the towns children are sad and depressed. All there toys have been taken away and all they do now is wash stockings. They're pretty much slaves. So Santa shows up after the kids have lost their toys and are scrubbing their hands raw cleaning the parents socks. He decides he will make more toys but then gets pissed off that the kids are sad and threatens to not bring the toys if the kids dont "get those sour looks off their faces." What an ass. I'd be like screw you Santa I hope the only thing you get for Christmas is the New Kids on The Block Christmas cd or a kick to your santa balls.


In Rudolph he's kind of racist. He shows up after Rudolph is born and is disgusted with Rudolphs red nose. In an effort to please Santa Rudolph is forced to wear a black fake nose. Doesnt matter that he sounds mildly retarded with the nose on as long as the fat man is happy. Then he's trying out for Santa's reindeer team. He sets the record and jumps the highest. Everyone loves him and Santa is impressed. Then his fake Rudolph nose falls off and Santa's attitude changes to " f you! you have a red nose you ain't gonna be on my team even though you were really impressive and the other reindeers cant jump to save their lives. Oh and further proof of what a prick he is. He makes the elves sing songs about him. One day the elves sing a song in his honour and he is clearly not impressed. Gee sorry they werent the Beatles Santa . Jolly old soul my ass

Monday, December 8, 2008

Randall Graves had it right-the job would be great if not for the fucking customers!



Hey Gang. Its been awhile since I blogged. I haven't had a lot of interesting tales to tell. Today I talked to a wonderful customer who made me glad to be a human being. I'm kidding. He was a crazy douche. Here is the exact conversation


Jay: How can i help you?
Crazy bastard: Why can't i pay on the automated line?
Me: Not sure i can check your account and the automated line to make sure its working
ass: (yelling) why can't i use it? Tell me. Whats wrong!
poor me: I have no idea sir. I appologize if it didnt work for you but i will make sure its working today
cust from hell: I don't want to pay you to take a payment! Why can't i use your automated line?
frustrated Jay: Sir if I may....
Douchy MacGee: You'd better get your fucking shit together! You fucker!
confused Jay?: Sir I'm trying to help you. However I'm going to have to ask you to watch the language.
Craxy loser prick: fuck you! Suck my cock. You fucking mental case! {Hangs up phone)
relieved Jay: so you dont want me to check the automated line?


So to sum up some screaming,swearing lunatic called me a mental case. I didnt even get an account # to check his notes. Oh well. Gosh he was swell. He reminded me of the crazy bus driver lady on southpark.