The Beautiful Side Of Somewhere

As its the last day of the month figured i'd mention some good and bad things happenning in my life this week. First of all i started a diet on Tuesday. I figured I would give Atkins another chance. It worked for me last year. If my scale isnt lying i lost 5 pounds so far. There was however a side effect i wasnt aware of before i started. I guess for the first five days or so its nothing but feeling tired and having headaches! For some reason i never experienced this last year. This time though is a different story. Until today i was feeling wiped out. Oh and the headaches were a joy. Especially on those days at work when the customers insist on hollering non stop. Oh well. I have a goal. I want to lose twenty pounds by the end of summer. I want to fit into some of my old concert t shirts. Kath is coming up with some kick ass Atkins recipes. I do miss pizza and cake tough. I love you cake.

Saturday at work was horrible as usual. This weeks cartoon was Bugs Bunny. It was a step up from some of the other crappy cartoons that have been played at work. I don't know how old the carttons were but for some reason Elmer Fudd was a fat f--k. Like Boss Hogg fat. The cartoons are still a lame idea. All i want to do when i'm not on calls is read. Oh and seeing my computer so i can do my job would be nice as well. Nothing really stands out in my mind today as far as unusual calls go. Just the usual bs. Just another day at the office.

This week starts the new passport law for crossing the border. I don't have a passport yet. However if i can aquire one by September i might get to attend a concert by the Wallflowers in Buffalo. That would be kind of sweet. My friend Stacey has expressed interest in going. Just checking the cd releases and the Wallflowers actually have a greatest hits coming out in June. Man i used to buy a lot of cd's. This would b only the second one i get this year. Nothing really appeals to me anymore. Theres also a new Cheap Trick cd out this month as well. Maybe it will be a summer of "Jay music" after all.

Had fun with Diana this week. She's getting good at pedalling the bike and catching a ball. The kid has talent. Gotta admit the diet kicked my ass and running around the park with Diana just about wiped me out. Had a proud moment this week. Diana got her own comic book card at the comic book shop. Now the store will save comics fo her in her own bag. My little nerd.

Looking forward to a lazy Sunday. Figured I'd flake out on the couch and watch movies with the fam. Kath wants Diana to see the movie Babe. Yes the talking pig movie. I've never seen it either. Kath loves it. We've seen some pretty cool movies this week. Fanboys, Run Fatboy run and Young People F'ing which funny enough is a comedy not a porno. We've recordede,purchased and downloaded a ton of movies in the last few months. Now that tv is in reruns we can catch up. Hooray!!

Well tomorrow starts another wonderful month. I'm not looking forward to working this week. Theres a big surprise. On Thursday I'm taking Diana to an open house for her new school. Man the fall will be here in no time and my little girl will be starting school. I still can't believe it. Makes me sad in a way. I know, I will quit my job and home school her! Nah i want my kid to actually be smart and not fail math every year. Oh well. Anyhow hope everyone is enjoying the weekend. Talk to you soon, See ya in June.

I love it when we're cruisin together.

Thirty seven years ago today, as far as I'm concerned, God had his finest moment. He made my wife Kathy. If this hadnt occurred I would probably still be a bitter single guy living in a basement appartment. I don't know why i was checking out chat rooms before work on that summers evening in 1999 . If i hadnt who knows how my life would have gone. Kath turned my life around and as sappy as this will sound, made me believe in love again. She also gave me the greatest gift of all-our daughter Diana. We've been through a lot together-good times and bad. I know she still makes me happy on a daily basis. Its amazing that she can still make a grumpy bastard like me smile. So Kath let me just sum things up by saying I love you very much and i hope you have an awesome birthday. You deserve it.

My friends, When I'm down you lift me up again

Hey there and welcome to another miserable Tuesday. Almost said Monday. Having yesterday off has totally messed me up for the week. Just sitting here thinking about friends. On my way out of work today i ran into my friend Trudy. I hadn't seen her since the wonderful new seating arrangements started last week. She's miserable now to. We sat together for about 3 years with our other friend Deb. We're all in different sections now. As horrible as the calls got we always joked around in between calls and it almost made the customers bearable. Deb even said that becaus we werent all together anymore she got bored and dozed off on a call. I miss joking around with friends at work. That was one of the last few things getting me through the day. Now I'm in the wasteland with people who yell and keep dirty desks. I miss my work friends.


While sitting at the computer desk i'm reminded of another friend from work who i havent seen in awhile. My friend Stacey. The reason she came to mind is i'm looking at a toy she gave to Diana. Its a baby version of Robin "of Batman and "fame. It was really sweet of her to give it to Diana. Especially as she told me she had it in her possession since she was a teenager. Diana loves it. Its pretty cute-see above for the pic, As a matter of fact i'm going to give a quick shout out to Stacey. I was just recently thinking about the first conversation we ever had. It was on a Saturday we ended up sitting next to each other. We started talking about bands and concerts and i remember having a Bruce Springsteen conversation. Now what i've never told her is that i went home and told Kath that i met a cool co worker but (here's the horrible part) for the life of me I couldnt remember her name. For the next couple of saturdays after that i was thinking "wow i hope the cool Bruce Springsteen girl is around." I went on parental leave for 6 months after Diana was born. On the day i came back she was the first (and possibly only) person that welcomed me back. Anyhow just wanted to thank her for her friendship over the years. Someday we will make it to a Jakob Dylan concert.

Last but not least I'm sitting here missing my best friend. You might know her better as my wife Kath. We had a really awesome day off yesterday. We got an oil change and Kath renewed her liscence. We came home and watched the movie Fanboys. Its a very funny movie about geeks and yes i can relate. She got her hair cut also. I have to admit i was nervous about seeing her with short hair, In the 10 years I've known her its always been long. It looks really cute. Nervousness gone. Man yesterday was awesome. We both started a diet today. So far so good. She will be home in about 2 hours. Can't wait to snuggle on the couch and watch some tv. Then it'll be back to the old grind tomoorow. Yay me.

The Saturday hell report

Hey kids it was my favorite time of week again-work on a Saturday! Here are the highlights

Weekly cartoon that no one wanted to see:Disneys The Gummi Bear-didnt think anything could be worse than the Gilligans Island fest last week. As a matter of fact this weeks choice made Gilligan seem brilliant by comparrison. Whats next? Rubik and his amazing cube? My manager is in charge of the lovely saturday programing. He asked me if i had any requests. Yes how about leaving the lights on so i can do my work. Or Die Hard.

Funny porn titles of the week: Parisian Slut fest and Asian slut invasion. Guess those sluts have gone international.

Fastest supervisor request for a stupid reason: five minutes into my shift a lady asked for a supervisor. It seemed that she had an 11 day payment extention until May 22nd. It was may 23rd. She admitted to not making the payment even though she had arrangements. She couldnt understand why we shut her service off on the 23rd. Good times.

Best reason to want to cancel service: a guy called in and his credit card kept denying payments. Rather than call the credit card company to see what the problem was he tried to make a payment with me-on the same card. Of course it was declined therefore i had to hear a speach about what a horrible company i work with. He to asked for a supervisor but then hung up.

My day went like that for the whole ten hour shift and it never ceased being busy. Fun wow. After work went for a grocery run with Nicole and Kath and Diana. Not sure when i will get to go back to America as i need a passport so that may have been my last trip for awhile. Had fun though.Went to the cool Burger King over there and got a checkov and old Spock toy. No one has the Kirk toy so my collection may be incomplete. Oh well. I'll just pretend that the toys are after the movie Generations when Kirk died. Sometimes I'm such a nerd i amaze even myself.

Its actually Sunday. Just got back in after helping to clean the complex all day. Did a lot of raking and sweeping and hauling garbage to the bin. It got super hot and im sweating very badly, There was a big Barbeque afterwards. Took Diana and we had hamburgers and chips. I even had a beer. It was that hot. I totally pigged out and now i feel like a big sweaty whale. Oh well. I am starting a diet on Tuesady. Gonna try and Atkins again. I had pretty good luck with it last year. I just have to keep at it when summer is over. Oh also of note one of our idiot neighbors let his son drive his car in the parking lot today. What's wrong with that you may ask? The son is eight years old. John handed Diana his keys and asked if she could park his van.

Just cleaning the kitchen a bit and doing laundry and i think i'm retiring to the couch for the rest odf the afternoon. Luckilly theres a billion shows on the dvr for Diana if i do fall asleep.


I'm happy Kath and I both have tomorrow off. Have a lot to do though. Gonna start the day off with a haircut for Kath and then she is going to renew her drivers liscence. I think were getting an oil change for the van as well. Oh and a bit of grocery shopping. I think in the next few weeks i wanna take Diana back to happy Rolphs. I've always liked it out there and the goats are funny. Ok gonna pass out now. Hope everybody is having an awesome weekend. I may pop back in later for another update. Or i might not. Take care.

The Possum From Hell

So what could be better on my day off then getting rid of vermin in my back yard. So i hear my door bell and its my next door neighbour telling me theres a possum nest in our back yard. On sunday i stretched a wet bar be que cover over a crate in the back yard to dry it off. Well i guess a possum and her babys decided to move in under there. I went to the back yard and first of all saw a dead possum baby. I had my first heart attack there. I guess a cat or something had gotten it. Then my neighbour and i ripped the barbeque cover off and saw the mother. This bigger than a cat creature looked at me an hissed and i just about peed my self. There was a baby holding on to its back. The baby was cute. We shooed it out of here with a broom. Then we trapped it under a crate. The neighbour called the humane society but we were told they couldnt do anything about it so we let it go. On top of all that i realized i pretty much have the yard from Sanford and Son. Theres all kinds of old Diana toys back there we need to get rid of and 3 crates. Also i hate to weed so the weeds are coming in nicely. Yeah i was kind of embarassed having my neighbour back there. Oh well. Oh and when i was out there i also found a dead squirrell. All the fixins of a redneck stew. Yee ha!

Other than that having a fairly descent day. Took Diana to the park to play catch and go down the slide. I feel really tired now, I am getting old. Diana seems to be tired also. She's laying on the couch watching cartoons. I have to go to another stupid maintenance meeting at 7. At least John will be going to this one.


Ok its a few hours later and yes the meeting did in fact suck ass. Our complex clean up is on Sunday morning. That should be fun. At least theres a barbeque afterwards. Took Diana out ion her bike for a few minutes tonight. She`s getting better at the pedals. I got a work out pushing her on the bike. I`m sweatier than Chris Farley on a hot summers day. I think I`ll be taking her to the park tomorrow to try kiting. I have a Darth Vader kite that I`ve never used and Diana likes kites now so we`ll give it a shot. Merlins original owner is coming over for a visit tomorrow nigght. Hope he stops hiding long enough to come see her. I`m happy to not have to work tomorrow and happier to be visiting the comic book store. Green Arrow is out so will have more books to lend Nicole. Speaking of which Nicole will be joining us again for another exciting grocery run on Saturday. Will probably be my last trip to America for awhile. THe new law requiring a passport takes effect June 1st and i dont have a passport yet. I will probably get one after summer. At least Nicole can keep Kath company this summer. Good times. Ok I`ve rambled on long enough. Going to wait for Kath to come home and catch up on some shows. Until next time hope everyone has a possum free day!

High School Reunion--whoopity do!

So i guess last weekend was the 50th anniversary of my high school SWC. I gotta be honest, I'm glad i saved my money and stayed home. My sister went and said it was no big deal. There was nobody i really wanted to see. Well would have been cool to see if Mr Mitchinson still looked like Buck Rogers. I still stay in touch with Scott, Colin and Allison. Also anybody else i give 2 craps about I have become friends with on facebook. I gotta admit i wasnt a big fan of my school. Don't get me wrong, i enjoyed going if only to hang out with my pals but i was a social outcast. At our school if you didn't conform to what everybody else was doing then you would get made fun of. I mentioned in an earlier blog that air guitar was fixed--just about everything else was as well. My buddy Scott ran for student council one year-social comitee or something like that. I remember the day of the speeches almost falling asleep from boredom in the audience. Scott was one of the last speeches and he was seated at the end of the table with all the candidates. His name got announced,he jumped up on the table,threw his shoes in the air and danced down to the podium. He had the most exciting speech of the day. The other guy he was running against didnt even show for the speeches. What should have been a landslide victory turned into a loss. Did i mention the other guy never even showed up? Because he was one of the "long haired freaks" of swc or skids as they called us, Scott never stood a chance. I still don't know why i was labelled a "skid". I had short hair and wore ties all the time back then. It was crap like that that made me dislike that school. Oh well i guess it could have been worse I could have gone to Merriton. I so would have gotten my ass kicked at that school. Anyhow to sum up-happy as hell i didnt go to the lame reunion and just as happy that i have the same friends from those days.

I miss my old team they were a blasty blast

Argh! Thats pretty much the only word i can use to describe my day. So I got a new manager and had to move my stuff to the opposite side of the call centre. The row i moved to is so dirty its not even funny. The desks are all clutterred with crap. For some reason everyone has their own assigned seating in the new row. I've been there over 7 years and have never had assigned seating. Everybody had a sign on the back of their seats stating no one else could sit there. I got a little tired of hearing "nope can't sit there thats where so and so sits." None of my friends are on my new team. For the first time in over 2 years I'm not sitting with Trudy or Deb or Ken. So other than speaking with customers i was fairly quiet. There are a few people down there that are very loud as well. Usually if you need a supervisor you would just put up your hand. Not the people in my new section. Whenever they wanted a supervisor instead of putting up their hand-they would just start yelling. Good times. I'm going to make sure that i have extra asprin with me at all times. Oh and my first 3 of 4 calls were all yellers wanting supervisors. It was so awesome! Not.Anyhow I'm just home on my hour lunch and trying to put myself in a good mood. Just listening to some Dane Cook and it seems to be cheering me up. So much in fact that i will put a pic up of him showing the super finger. Funny enough i seem to be flipping the bird to my computer screen a lot today. Yup Jay is losing his mind-again.

Anyhow Going back to work in a few minutes. Hooray! Spoke to my mom and going with her to see Star Trek next Tuesday. Also ran into Allison and her family at Burger King the other day. Nice seeing you guys again. Yes i was there geting Star Trek toys. Yes I am a gigantic nerd. Other good news to report:Diana is kicking serious ass with her toilet training. I'm very proud of the kid. That makes me happy. Ok kids its back to the old grind. Talk to you all later

Happy birthday baby girl

Man time flies. Four years ago yesterday (may 16) was the day Diana was born. Its one of the happiest days of my life. I can't believe she's four. She's growing up too fast. I wish she could stay little forrever. She'll always be my baby even when she's old and grey. She wasnt planned but i can't imagine life without her. She makes me smile on a daily basis. We had a birthday party today for her. Kath made a cake shaped like Abby Kadabi from Sesame Street. Our friends and family helped us celebrate. We got our "big girl" her first bike. She did ok on her first test drive. She just has to get used to the pedals. SHe is also doing awesome with the toilet training. She rules! Happy birthday Diana I love you very much!

oh darn i think i missed the episode where the Skipper hit Gilligan with his stupid hat

Howdy folks. Just got back from work. As you know my work has been turning out the lights playing the dumbest crap on a big screen. I don't know why, No one watches it and everyone complains that its too dark. I didn't think that "Mickey Mouse playing golf" could be topped. I was wrong. Today was non stop episodes of Gilligans Island. So while the episodes were playing i saw several things that bothered me.

1) They couldnt fix that little hole in the boat? They could build a car and keep the radio going for 15 years though.

2) seriously why did the Howells need to bring everything they owned including a big ass trunk of money on a three hour cruise?

3) Why didnt someone just drown Gilligan. He totally f 'ed up every chance they had at getting rescued. What a douche in a white hat.

4) Did i actually see an episode where the Skipper couldnt decide what to wear to the Howells party. Gee I don't know how about your blue shirt and black skippers hat. Dumb ass.

5) why didnt their beards grow? Let me guess the Professor invented razors that lasted for 15 years.


I really hope that next week theres no more lame videos. They'll probably run thr Brady Bunch or something though. Yay Me!!

Random things pissing off the Jaymeister this week

Today was my first day off of the week and not a moment to soon. I actually had a customer tell me that i seemed annoyed talking to him. The truth of the matter was--i really was annoyed. He had done nothing but bitch for 20 minutes straight and i think he said "what the hell" at least ten times. I had to repeat everything at least 3 times. Maybe i should have done my best to disguise how annoyed i was but it was my last call of the day and after listening to almost a hundred people go off on me, i just wanted to go home. It had been that kind of a day. I think one guy even told me to burn in hell. It was a glorious day!

Lets see what other awesome things are going on? Oh yeah for some reason theres a billion mosquitos buzzing around our complex. It doesnt look disgusting at all.

I realized yesterday that i need to lose some weight. I dieted last summer and lost 10 pounds. The bad thing is since last summer i gained that back plus an additional 9 pounds. I gotta get in shape. I think i'm going to start a new diet after Diana's party. Oh yes i will lose the Chris Farley gut. Oh yes i will.

So Colin Hay announced 2 concerts at the casino. For those of you not familliar with his work he was in a band in the early 80's called Men At Work. He's had a bunch of solo albums since. I've seen him before and had my pic taken with him(see above). So in a previous blog i was bitching about expensive ticket prices-especially for acts that peaked in the 80's and 90's. For once the tickets were not to bad-26.00 dollars. Kath was excited and we thought we might be going-until we saw the dates for the shows--August 28 and 29. This is the same weekend as the comic book convention we go to every year and theres no way Kath is going to be able to get Friday the 28th off as well. Someone doesnt want me going to a concert ever again.

Wow I'm starting to sound like a little bitch so I'm going to wrap things up and think of some nice things to blog about

Somedays won't end ever

Another craptastic Monday has come and gone. what a horrific day at work. At one point i had to get a supervisor 4 calls in a row. For some reason it felt like all porn disputes were going to my phone.My favorite(sarcasm anyone?) call of the day came from quite possibly the noisiest call i ever took. There was screaming from at least 2 kids ,the tv sounded like the volume was turned all the way up and it sounded like someone was hitting 2 pots together. The lady on the phone was upset that there was a porno title on her bill. She thought that maybe we had made a mistake. No way was there ever an adult movie ordered in her home. Meanwhile in reality there was at least 2 pornos on every bill since 2006. I kid you not. I wrote down some of the movies ordered as they made me laugh out loud. These include: Black poles, Black Bottom Pies, Chocolate milfs, cougar landlady and of course the classic blow me sandwich, Since there was a long history of nudie films on the account there was no way i was applying any credit. So i had to get a supervisor. I got the supervisor who never backs me up and will credit anything no matter what the situation was. This was the guy who one time credited a dirty movie because the customer didnt like the fact there was no girl on girl action in it. Long story short--it must have been a cold day in hell today. For a change this particular supervisor totally backed me up and refused credit. One little victory for Jay!


Yesterday turned out pretty cool. I ended up going to see Star Trek with Kath and our friends Andrea and Mike. I am still taking my mom in a couple of weeks to see it as well. The movie was awesome. It was cool seeing the origin of Kirk and Spock. Kath loved it and she's never seen a Star Trek movie in her life. Kudos to JJ Abrams for revivng the Star Trek franchise. Afterwards we went to Pizza Hutt and finally exchanged Christmas presents with Mike. He was none to thrilled with the Hannah Montana pillow we got him.

Shout out to all the mothers

Man why did i think it was a good idea to stay up late blogging? I'm so exhausted right now. I went to bed around 4. I did manage to bring Merlin upstairs for the night. Figured he might want to sleep on a bed or carpet for a change instead of a hard concrete basement floor. I'm nice that way.

Well just wanted to wish all the mothers out there a nice mothers day. Especially my two favorite moms-Kath and my own mother. I always got along great with my mom. She was always so much cooler than my dad. She was always going to movies and even concerts with us. I remember one time going to see John Mellencamp. My mom was right there with us-my dad just wanted to sleep in the car. She's still pretty cool and still looks out for me. To this day if she hears any news about singers i like or movies she will give me a shout. I'm going to take her to see the new Star Trek when our schedules line up. If she would just get off my case about cutting my hair than she would be perfect!


To answer a couple of my comments--

Nickle: It is always cool when you hang out with us. The grocery shopping/star trek glass perusing was fun. We will have to keep doing it. The shopping that is. You will really be helping us out a lot if you can keep Kath company while i wait for a passport. You rock. No hard feelings about the shopping cart charley horse. Oh and was also happy that Rob was wearing pants when i helped you with the groceries

Allison: yeah there was a bunch of preppy guys that wore white suits and wigs and did Staying Alive every year. Would have been kinda sorta ok if they would have maybe done a different bee gees song at some point. Yeah it was a fun time being in the air guitar contest. Maybe its a little sad that was a highlight of high school for me.

And The Hits just keep on coming

Well i had another "awesome" Saturday at the office. Man it was wall to wall yelling for 10 hours today. I was so worn out from the screaming and swearing and abuse today that it actually felt like i had experienced a physical beating. Kind of like Bruce Willis in the Last Boyscout. In that movie he got the shit kicked out of him in pretty much every scene. Thats how i felt. I think at one point in the movie he said "if i live through this i swear to God I will dance a jig." Yep thats how i felt. At least i didnt start singing "Friday nights a great time for football." There was a price increase in one of the markets and you would have thought we raped their mothers and dumped sugar in their gas tanks. I've experienced price increases in everything from rent to utillities. Not once have i considered calling up a representative and screaming bloody murder at them. One lady got so mad at me that she said i "made the list." Didnt find out what list i made. Maybe she was hiring Tony Soprano to wack me. Oh well at least this weeks "make Jay blind at work" special was Casper the friendly ghost cartoons in the dark. I so love weekends on the job. I can only hope that next wweek my job and eyesight is impaired by a quick draw macgraw cartoon.

Quick question, When did Debbie Allen become such a bitch? I know her speach at the beginning of the show fame "if you want fame, fame costs and this is where you start paying--in sweat" was kind of bad ass but is there any reason to swear at me because her cable went up by 2 dollars? Ok maybe it wasnt Debbie Allen from Fame on the phone but i was right about one thing--she was a total bitch. Wait a minute--i think that was the lady whos list i apparently made. I hope she didnt hire the kids from fame to take care of me. Lord help me if Irene Cara attacks me while singing "fame! I'm gonna live forrever!"


Toilet training with Diana is going strong. Tomorrow we're doing our first underwear test run. It should be interesting. Poor kid has a bit of a cold now as well. Merlin the cat has been hiding in the basement for the last 2 days. Poor cat is scared of his own shadow.


Did the bi weekly trip to the states for groceries. Once again Nicole joined us. Got some stuff for Diana's birthday party next week. Visited a Burger King over their as well and picked up the other three Star Trek glasses. Ha ha i said glasses once again. There's also Star Trek toys in their happy meals. The cool thing at the Burger King we visited was you can buy the toys separately without having to buy a happy meal. I remember a couple years ago when there was a Star Wars tie in i asked a cashier at our local Burger King if there was any chance i could purchase some toys separately. Man you would have thought i pulled a gun on her. Anyhow where was I? Oh yeah the states was cool and now i have aN Uhora glass(really? glass again dude?} to drink pop out of.

Next week should be cool. Kath has the week off so i will actually get to spend some time with her. So i got that going for me.I'll continue to train the kid and i will try and get Merlin to come relax upstairs. Anyhow thats enough bitching for one night. Have a great evening kids. Jay out.

How many times can Jay friggin say the word glass

Well this week we picked up our first Star Trek glass. Not a plastic cup--an actual "glass" glass made out out of glass. It has a lovely picture of the new Captain Kirk on it. You don't see movie tie in glasses much anymore. The last time i can remember geting a set of movie drinking glasses was for Batman Forrever in 1995. That was pretty much the best thing that came out of that movie. So thinking about (wait for it) glasses got me thinking about an actual cool memory i have of my father. The year was 1980 and the Empire Strikes Back had just been released. I'm guessing i must have been watching Saturday morning cartoons or something and saw an ad for the Empire tie in at Burger King. They were offering for four weeks in a row, actual (you know I'm gonna say it again) drinking glasses. Man did i want to have a beverage out of drinking ware with Lando Calrissians face on it. Only problem? in 1980, believe it or not,there was no Burger King in St. Catharines. There was one in Niagara Falls though but who is gonna drive there every week for a new (cant think of a better word sorry) glass. My dad actually volunteered to take me out there every Sunday. So long story short-oh yeah i had many icy beverages out of my c3po (sigh) glass. It wasnt until maybe 2007 that there were also beverage containers for Return Of The Jedi. I got my grubby geek hands on a Han Solo holder of drink at a toy show in Rochester. Wow i sure managed to drag out a boring topic. Have a gread day everybody.

Two different kinds of training

So Diana starts school in the fall. We have stepped up potty training. Diana was on a roll there for awhile and then kind of fell off the wagon. She got a bit lazy and instead of telling us she had to go to the bathroom she would just go in the diaper. A couple of weks ago Kath gave her a "if you want to be a big girl you have to use the potty" speech. I think she took it to heart becasuse she has been telling us when she has to go. Other times i will just put her on the potty (which is a cool Spiderman seat by the way) just to get her used to it. Yes operation "get Diana in underwear" has begun. She's doing awesome so far and hope she can keep it up. I feel like eye of the tiger should be playing when she goes to the bathroom.


The second training i'm taking part in is "geting Merlin the cat used to our home" training. I understand the poor little guy is scared but i will slowly get him used to us and our house. Today i am going to introduce him to Diana's room. I feel bad that he has been hiding in our room and bathroom for almost a week. I will hopefully get him and Hesh to be buddies as well. Man i almost feel like Mickey from Rocky with all the training I'm doing.

Welcome to the family big boy

Well I'd like to take this time to welcome the newest member of the Stewart Family-Merlin the cat! Last Saturday He finally arrived. He has been hiding in our bedroom for the last week. Poor guy is scared. I can totally understand. He's been with the same owner for the last 5 years and now he's with a new family. Merlin is a big orange cat. I've never seen such a big cat before but he is really friendly. Diana calls him a scarredy cat. I've been trying to bring him out of the room a few minutes at a time but he usually ducks behind a couch or something. Also my other cat Hesh isnt used to having another cat around and they end up growling at each other. Good times. Also he likes to hide. I spent 20 minutes today looking for him. Turns out he was in the drawer of Kath's dresser. How he fit in there I don't know. Anyhow its going to be an adventure now with 2 cats in the family again. Wish us luck.

100th Post:: It is indeed Hip To Be Square

Hey there friends and welcome to my 100th post. I wasnt sure what to write about so i figured I'd go for another story about teenage Jay. I thought i would write about the 4 years i experienced the one thing i ever participated in during high school-The annual Air Guitar Contest. Lets be honest, lip syncing a song doesnt involve brain surgery. You pick a song you like and pretend to sing and play it. We've all done it while looking in a mirror-maybe with a tennis racket for a guitar. It was really fun and pretty much the closest I will ever get to being in a real band. Although i am a descent karaokee singer. Now if you will-the history of my air guitar band.

1986

The first year. I was as you know a shy kid and nervous about everything, Well not much has changed-except the kid part. I don't remember how we decided to sign up but Scott , Colin , myself and 2 other guys chose to lip sync the Huey Lewis classic "The Power of Love." To be honest i was really surprised we got in after the audition. I remember being nervous to "pretend" to sing in front of the whole school. I remember it being a huge rush when everyone actually cheered. It was kind of the first time i got noticed at the school. We pretty much copied the video. We ended up placing third. First place was the preppy favorites who insisted on imitating the same Bee Gees song every year. Second place was an all girls group who danced and jiggles around in little costumes. I would have voted them over me. Yes i am a pig. It was a cool experience and i even got my picture in the yearbook- but what do you do for an encore?

1987

If it ain't broke don't fix it. Yes we did another Huey Lewis song. Jacob's Ladder to be exact. We managed to find a really cool live version of the song. I don't think we placed but the "Bee Gee" preppy favorites won again. I thought it was a better fake performance. One thing creeped me out though. A friend of Scott's decided it would be funny to dress as a woman and rush the stage. I wasnt impressed and tried to ignore him. Still it was fun and again enjoyed the applause. Somewhere there exists photos from this extravaganza. If I ever find them i will surely post them.


1988

This was the year we didn't make it into the contest. Not to sound bitter but we all think it was fixed that year. Yes I sound like Mel Gibson in the Conspiracy Theory. That year the student council was jam packed with friends of those Bee Gee's guys. They didnt even have to audition. There was 2 days of auditions and Colin, Scott and I and a few other guys snuck onto the cat walk to view the fun. We watched a bunch of great performers who we figured would definately be in the show. We also saw some horrible acts--one guy was lip syncing a different song then the one playing on the speakers. Another guy admitted that he didnt know the words to the song he was doing. We auditioned and nailed it. We figured we were in as well as a few other bands that kicked ass. Guess what? We were totally wrong. We didnt make it in and neither did the other good ones. I remember a really cool Guns and Roses act that didnt make it either. All the bad ones mentioned above and some other equally cruddy performers did make it. Like i said it was rigged and big surprise-the Bee Gees who didnt even audition won the contest. Yes i know I sound bitter but it was the one thing i looked forward to every year and we werent even given a fair chance. Yes a fake air band show was that important to me. Sad huh?

1989

The last year of our fun fake run. This year we tried something a little different, We picked out Billy Joel's version of Back in The Ussr. Now of special note this was a week after Colin and i had been kicked out of the battle of the bands for being drunk. Our vice Principal Indiana Vrieswick was looking for any excuse to suspend us. This year we didnt even think about placing. We just went out to have a good time. Can you believe the Bee Gees did Staying Alive Again? Well we went out and did our thing. We were rockin' out! At one point i even jumped on Colin's back as he did a guitar solo. His idea by the way. We were in a groove. Then disaster struck. I lept through the air onto a riser that for some reason had a picture of Bill Cosby painted on it. It wasnt secured properly and i fell on my ass. Didnt matter though i got right up and continued without missing a beat. So fast forward to the end of the show and the mc started announcing the bands. You would walk out and get applause or what not. So we came out and while our friends cheered,we also recieved a lot of booing. What the hell. So i see colin throw his mighty arm in the air and flip the bird to the whole audience. I shrugged and soon i was also giving the middle finger to these rude assholes. I figured, well he's going to be suspended for a few days so might as well join him. It was the only time we defended our selves in our high school tenure, Then i hear a loud voice in the audience. Scott had actually gone to the audience and i hear him shout "yeah show thoe preppy mother fuckers what they're made of." I felt like a hero-until we were cornered by pricipal Indy. The conversation that followed was

Indy: "what did i see you guys doing on that stage?"
Me: "waving"
Colin:" yeah and the lights must have blacked out all our fingers except the middle ones!"
And that was it-no suspension no nothing. What a gyp. The best part of the day? The Bee Gees didnt even place. Thus ended our glorious Airband experience.Wow i sure rambled on and on there. Sorry about there. Hope I didnt bore you to much.

A quick thank you to everyone who has followed the blog. I can't believe I have stuck it out for 100 posts. Thanks for the kind comments.

Hooray! Wolverine didn't Suck!

Just a quick super hero related blog before i hit the hay. Yesterday Kath and Diana attended free comic book day. Kath is the best. I couldnt go due to my committment to getting a headache from rednecks. It was just a beyond horrible day. Just a whole lot of screaming and yelling because of a price increase. At times i felt myself getting really mad. I'm sure i must have sounded like a dick to some of the customers. I guess i shouldnt complain. This week the lights remained on with no golf related Mickey Mouse cartoons. Anyhow Kath was nice enough to wake up early to go to the comic book store where she obtained for me a copy of the coveted Green Lantern blackest night prelude. Also a quick shout out to Bev and Kim and Sheryl. They are the people that run the comic book store and they have been so good to us over the years. They put up with a lot of crap. I thought i was a nerd but i've seen grown ups in there arguing about which Green Lantern is better or people wondering why they can't have 25 comics on free comic book day. They were also nice enough to save Diana a Dc comics kid sampler comic. She loved it. This along with the awesome pot of chilli that kath made actually brightened up my craptacular Saturday.

Today on Sunday we made it out to the first of i hope 4 movies we get to see this summer. We saw Xmen Origins: Wolverine. I am happy to report it did not suck ass. I was a bit worried going in. I had heard nothing but bad things about the film. All i wanted was for it to be a bit better than Xmen 3. It was a lot better than that crap fest. The special effects were awesome. I have to learn to ignore reviews. I'd see another Wolverine prequel. Hugh Jackman is the bomb. Holy crap i just used "is the bomb" in a sentence. It was also cool seeing our friend Mike again. We used to go to movies everyweek. Now we're lucky to hang out a couple of times a year. Oh well. Ok i gotta run. It's probably going to be super busy at week due to the price increase.

Chainsaws and Lando

You know what rocks on my day off? Being woken up by 2 morons with a chain saw chopping down trees in the park at 8:30 in the morning. I don't ask for much on my days off. I just like sleeping in a little bit. I'm up at 7 in the morning on most days for work and i like to catch up on sleep on Wednesday and Thursday. Of course this also woke up Diana so there was no going back to sleep. Oh well. I guess thats a small thing to bitch at.

Just a few minutes ago the first batch of comic book convention guests was announced. So far the guests include Billy Dee Williams and Lou Ferrigno and Beau Bridges. Kind of neat. Not sure if i would stand in line to talk to anyone. Besides waiting to meet Henry Winkler last year the only other time i waited was to talk to a comic book writer named Brian Michael Bendis. It was an hour wait but i did get him to sign a copy of Ultimate Spiderman issue 1. My friend Mike was with me and we couldnt believe some of the fans who had boxes of stuff for the guy to sign. You know it was all going on ebay. My friend Mike asked him if he ever felt like jamming a pen in a fans thorax for making him sign a box of comics. Classic Mike. Maybe i will wait to meet Beau Bridges if Rob and Nicole come. He was in Stargate after all. And no guys you can't invite the "oh a piece of candy" guy.

Speaking of comic books,tomorrow is free comic book day. Once a year all comic book stores in North America set aside a day to hand out free comics. All the different comic book companies are involved and usually provide comics containing reprints. This year is a bit different, Dc comics is providing a brand new never before seen Green Lantern story which actually kicks off a major story this summer. I cant get the day off from getting yelled at by rednecks so Kath and Diana are going. Fingers crossed there will still be a copy of the Green Lantern story when they get there.


Spoke with our friend "the cat lady" and it looks like tomorrow Merlin the Cat will be joining the Stewart family . Diana has agreed to feed the cats from now on. Should be interesting.

Finally got to do a wagon ride today. Thought it was going to rain again but it got hot. Dumb ass me was wearing a leather jacket. Did more vacuuming and cleaning.Back to the grind tomorrow. Kath will be home soon. Will actually make it to the dollar store and maybe get another slurpee. Just heard from my friend Mike (of wait in line to meet Bendis fame) and he is definately in for Wolverine on Sunday. We're still hoping Andrea can make it. Hopefully her work schedule permits it. Thats it for now i guess. Just gonna wait for Kath to get home. Have a great first of may everybody.

Jay